So I never forget

It wasn't even a month ago that I sat here on my couch, laptop perched on my legs, and swore I'd never see it. Of course, deep down, I knew the light was there somewhere, but I was too buried in work to see it. My heart broke as time after time I sent my kids upstairs to entertain each other instead of taking the time to play a game, build with legos, or paint a picture as they had asked. It broke even more when they just stopped asking. I know that they are not going to stop growing while I sit at my computer all day editing this session or that wedding. I know that too soon, the day will come when they no longer want to play, snuggle and read with me. I know that next fall, my youngest will start kindergarten and my home will be empty and lonely, even if for just 2 1/2 hours a day.

I worry that I will look back and have regrets. Regrets about not enough zoo trips. Regrets of replying too often with "just a minute." Regrets about missed opportunities to turn a bad experience at school into a valuable life lesson.

I also want to make sure I'm absolutely clear on one thing.

Without a doubt, I love my job. LOVE.

I realize what a blessing it is to have people pay me to do something I love so much. I realize what a blessing it is that I am able to provide extra money for my family from the comfort of my home. I realize what a blessing it is to have my children home with me while I work instead of a stranger's home. Whole heartedly, I get it.

And today, sitting on my couch, laptop perched on my legs, I can see the light. I am trying so hard to be caught up by Thanksgiving, and it's going to be close. I may have few things carry over. You know what? I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is getting up from this couch to find my children have grown up and I've missed it.

So I'm taking today off. Instead of working, my daughter and I went to church, had a lunch date in my car, and talked. We snuggled on the couch, had hot chocolate and played a game on my iPhone. This afternoon, I'm going to spend some one on one time with my son. I think we'll go out for a Starbucks and I'll turn that bad thing that happened at school today into what will hopefully be a life lesson about how to deal with disappointment.

I took these pictures of Addison playing on my iPhone so I never forget. How little she was. How she curls her toes. How she smiles.